And So it Goes
by LuckyNumbers
Summary: Edward loved Winry, but he had duties to the military as well. One day, he chose the latter over her and ruined everything. He thought that he could never go back to her, so why is he traveling to Risembool? SongFic. Song by Billy Joel.


**Disclaimer: FMA is the property of Hiromu Arakawa, and "And So it Goes" is by none other than the master genius himself, Billy Joel. I am neither of these people.**

_In every heart, there is a room_

_A sanctuary safe and strong_

_To heal the wounds from lovers past_

_Until a new one comes along_

Edward looked out the window, watching the urban landscape melt away into wide, open fields. For once, his brother was not with him, and he was wondering why he had even gotten on this train in the first place.

Of course, in a fit of madness, he supposed, he decided to go back to _her_. He was going to say all of the things he should have said to her. He didn't want anyone else, and he should have realized that long ago. The wound on his heard was never going to heal unless _she_ was back in his life.

But _he _was the reason they were no longer together. _He_ was the one who decided that going back into the military to help with the reconstruction of destroyed towns was more important than settling down and having a family wither her. He was so foolish.

_I spoke to you in cautious tones_

_You answered me with no pretense_

He remembered that last day very well. She wouldn't even look at him while he was packing his bags, even though he promised he wouldn't be gone long. She seemed to avoid him those last few days.

He knew she had been crying.

He finally got to speak to her when she was washing some dishes from the night before.

"You… You know I love you, right?" he asked, hoping to hear a good answer. He was hoping for that "Yes" that would keep them together, even far away.

She breathed a sigh and didn't even look at him when she answered. "Sometimes," she said, "I just don't know anymore, Edward."

_But still I feel I said too much_

_My silence is my self defense_

He had learned long ago to keep his emotions close to the vest. He left with a few more words, but they weren't significant to either of them.

Later, he regretted it. Why hadn't he said more? Why didn't he do anything? Why didn't he call up the headquarters and explain that he decided to leave the military?

Why didn't he marry that girl?

_And every time I've held a rose_

_It seems I've only felt the thorns_

_And so it goes, and so it goes_

_And so will you soon, I suppose_

There was a reason for all of that. He never appreciated anything she did for him, not really. He could never focus on the positive things that happened when he was with her. He was such a negative person that he couldn't do that.

He hated himself for that. He hated himself for being so short-sighted. He hated himself for so many things, but losing her was the worst of it all.

And he was the only one to blame.

_But if my silence made you leave_

_Then that would be my worst mistake_

_So I will share this room with you_

_And you can have this heart to break_

He was the one who left. He was the one who stopped calling. He was the one who kept sending fewer and fewer letters to her. He blamed himself for the last letter that he received from her.

She told him that she could no longer maintain this relationship. She no longer believed there was a relationship to maintain. There was no point.

Edward felt like he died a little that day. Although she was the one who had ended it on paper, he was the one who obliterated his one chance at happiness in real life.

This was the girl he was planning to marry when he went back. This was the girl who didn't believe he would ever go back.

Worse than that, she expressed feelings that she didn't even _want_ him back.

So what was he doing on that train?

_And this is why my eyes are closed_

_It's just as well for all I've seen_

_And so it goes, and so it goes_

_And you're the only one who knows_

He used to always dream of being with her. He just couldn't do it because of the danger she would be put in. Even though he tried not to be close to her, it still happened. She had been taken hostage at one time, and she nearly died at another. He didn't want her to meet the same fate as he had seen happen to so many others. He wanted to protect her.

But it was a moot point after the war with the Homunculi was won. He would still have nightmares about it, but she was in no real danger. A younger Edward was screaming at him to get on with it, but he was no longer that boy. He was barely half of him.

_So I would choose to be with you_

_That's if the choice were mine to make_

_But you can make decisions, too_

_And you can have this heart to break_

"Risembool Station!" cried the conductor, pulling the blonde haired Alchemist out of his reverie.

He picked up his suitcase and walked off the train. It was a little while of a trip to walk to his destination. He only hoped he wouldn't either get cold feet and run back to the train station or was turned away, and _then_ he would have to walk back to the train station.

He was loath to admit that the second possibility was highly likely.

He was glad he didn't meet anyone on his way up the familiar house. He didn't want to speak to anyone and explain just what he was doing back. He knew that no one expected to see him back in that small town for a long while, if ever.

Soon, the white house that used to be a source of comfort and family loomed in the distance. His heart jumped into his throat as he knew that this was either do or die.

He started going over what he would say to her when they met again. She probably wouldn't want to listen to anything he had to say, and if that was the case, he would try to make her listen. He wasn't sure how well that would work, as she was extremely strong of will, but he was willing to give it a try.

He stopped himself from knocking on the door several times before he actually did it. And then, he knew, there was no turning back.

An all too familiar girl with blonde hair and blue eyes answered the door. The expression that greeted him was somewhere in between criticism, anger, and confusion.

"Hey," he said, trying to put a smile on his face, "Winry."

_And so it goes, and so it goes_

_And you're the only one who knows._


End file.
